Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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