Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
