Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
