i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your penis caused this!
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