If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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