I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
