The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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