I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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