I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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