Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
