i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
