dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
