Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize