I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
