yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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