Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
