why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
