Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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