Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
