Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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