bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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