Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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