sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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