i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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