dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
