forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
