even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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