If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
