i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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