What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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