i may or may not be watching the land before time
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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