I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
