this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
