I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
