haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
