I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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