in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
not ubering you a puppy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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