i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
