Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize