I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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