the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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