Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
