it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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