i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
