She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize