Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
