he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
