I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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