apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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