I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
