Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Couch. On fire.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize