I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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