never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
