I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
