I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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