Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
