Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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