How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
