she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
